


bed bugs in my mind

by sanguine_puddles



Series: shenanigans and feels [6]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cutting, Fluff and Angst, Freckles, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, It's Not That Bad I Promise, Kissing, M/M, Neck Kissing, Scars, Self-Harm, Sharing a Bed, Trans Character, gotta hit 'em with the happy ending, it's not explicit but it's there, just a little bit, that's hinata, that's odd, there's no tags for bandages??, yes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:34:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25482478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanguine_puddles/pseuds/sanguine_puddles
Summary: Most of the time, Kei's perfectly fine, everything's normal.And then there's some days that anitchrises within him.Usually he can ignore it; it'll pass after a few days and everything will be fine.But sometimes it just gets to betoo muchand he wants to crawl out of his skin from the pent upsomething.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Tsukishima Kei, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: shenanigans and feels [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1789048
Comments: 2
Kudos: 148





	bed bugs in my mind

**Author's Note:**

> oh, did you think this series wouldn't have angst? bitch, you THOUGHT, it's me we're talking about here  
>  ~~please don't hurt meh, i'm VENTING~~
> 
> this takes place during their second year, sometime in december i'm guessing. they've been dating ~three months at this point. it's a little bit of a mess (｡ﾉω＼｡)
> 
> [Dadzawa betaed!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dadzawa/pseuds/Dadzawa)
> 
> **WARNING: read the tags!! this contains self-harm!!! please be careful and don't read if that's not your thing! ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ**
> 
> enjoy! ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

Kei always changes in a corner, facing the lockers, shielded by Tadashi next to him. 

It's a habit he picked up in middle school, to hide his thighs and the story they tell. 

Tadashi knows it, he has his own, years old and fading. 

Most of the time, Kei's perfectly fine, everything's normal. 

And then there's some days that an _itch_ rises within him. 

Usually he can ignore it; it'll pass after a few days and everything will be fine. 

But sometimes it just gets to be _too much_ and he wants to crawl out of his skin from the pent up _something_. 

He pinky promised Tadashi that he wouldn't give into it anymore, that he'd find something to help, but it _just happens he can't help it please leave him alone_ — 

Kei's in the bathroom, sitting on the edge of the tub, clad in boxers and his sleep shirt, blade held gingerly in hand. Drops of blood curve over the sides of his thighs and drip to the tiled floor. 

He's done quite some damage, nothing deep, but they cover the majority of the upper parts of his thighs. 

Evenly spaced, never overlapping. 

He admires the color, loves the mess, hates the sting. 

Shouyou finds him like this, flipping the blade with his thumb and forefinger, blood crusting. 

He'd forgotten they were meeting today. 

How could he forget that? 

They stare at each other for a moment before Shouyou squeezes his eyes shut and breathes out harshly. He starts mumbling to himself as he opens his eyes and jerkily moves to rummage underneath the sink. 

Kei tunes it out in favor of tossing the razor into the trash and dragging a finger over the cuts. 

He feels giddy as some of the blood smears over his porcelain skin, wrinkles his nose at the crust that flakes from the pressure. 

Shouyou swats at his hand, then grabs it to wipe off the red. "Knock it off." 

Kei gives a quiet, " _Tch_ ," and his leg jerks as Shouyou pinches his inner thigh. 

Kei bites back a hiss when Shouyou cleans the wounds with hydrogen peroxide, watches in silence as he lathers them in ointment and wraps them with gauze bandages. 

Shouyou crosses his arms over Kei's knees when he's done, looks him in the eye as he asks, "Have you tried the ice cube thing? You take an ice cube, dip it in water with red food coloring and just rub it over the place you wanna cut. Or you can do the glue and peel thing. Have you ever thought about trying those?" 

Kei blinks down at Shouyou and holds back the irrational snarl that wants to jump out and lash into the other. He swallows hard. "It's never crossed my mind. I've never thought about alternatives." 

Shouyou raises a brow. "And you're supposed to be smart." 

Kei glares. 

Shouyou hums. "Sorry." 

Kei shrugs despite the bitterness that coats his tongue. 

They bask in silence until Shouyou breaks it with a sigh and stands with a wince. He drags a hand through Kei's blond hair. "Go to your room, I'll clean this up." He gestures to the floor. 

Kei stretches his legs out in front of him and curls his toes, cracks his ankles. He can feel the blood rush into his legs when he stands and he shuffles to his room slowly. 

He sits on the edge of his bed and plops backwards to stare at the ceiling, rubs over the bandages to sate the tickling heat underneath. 

Shouyou comes in a few minutes later, climbs onto the bed and wraps himself around Kei. When he's comfortable he asks, "What happened?" 

Kei closes his eyes, pulls Shouyou closer. "Just a relapse." 

Shouyou nods. "Next time, try to do one of those other things I mentioned instead. Or look up something else that might help." 

Kei glances at him with a frown. "How do you even know about that?" 

Shouyou rolls off of Kei and sits on his ankles beside him. He fiddles with the hem of his hoodie before tugging it up and nudging the waistband of his pants down. 

Over the curves of his hips, thin, white scars are messily crosshatched over tan, freckled skin. 

Kei's eyes widen in understanding and he smooths a hand over the raised skin. "How come no one's ever noticed?" 

Shouyou smirks. "They're easy to hide under waistbands." 

Kei hums. "How long have you been clean?" 

Shouyou lets the hoodie drop. "Almost two years now? The last time I did anything was before highschool." 

Kei's fingers squeeze where they still rest over Shouyou's skin. "How do you keep yourself from doing it again?" 

Shouyou pushes back his fiery hair, tilts his head in thought. "If it gets really bad I'll do the ice cube thing. Sometimes I'll end up biting my wrists. That's probably not the best, but…" He shrugs. "I don't get as antsy as much as I used to because I distract myself with family and volleyball, and I have a workout routine to build up muscles so I don't get super dysphoric. It's not much, but it helps." 

Kei smooths his hand around to Shouyou's lower back and sighs. "I'm not sure how to help myself." 

Shouyou pats Kei's chest. "Try them all! Find what helps the most and stick to it." 

Kei makes a displeased noise and tugs at Shouyou. "That takes so much effort." 

Shouyou huffs as he shifts to lay on Kei's chest again. "Do it anyways." 

"Ugh." Kei takes his glasses off, sets them on his nightstand, then shoves his other hand under Shouyou's hoodie. 

Shouyou buries his face in Kei's neck and mumbles, "Your hands are _cold_." 

Kei wraps his arms tighter around Shouyou's waist. "Deal with it." 

Shouyou nips at Kei's shoulder. "Jerk." 

Kei pinches him. 

They bicker for a while until Shouyou grows restless and starts fidgeting with Kei's shirt. "You know I love you, right?" 

Kei turns his face into Shouyou's hair, breathes in the scent of the raspberry shampoo he likes to use. "I know. You tell me all the time. I'm getting there." 

Shouyou grazes his lips over Kei's neck before moving to straddle his waist and cradle his face, careful not to rest any weight on his thighs. 

Kei flushes at the gentle touch and beaming smile Shouyou gives him. "What?" 

" _I love you_ ," Shouyou whispers. 

Kei's face goes even redder. " _I know_." 

Shouyou giggles as he dips down to bring their lips together in a soft, bubblegum flavored kiss. 

**Author's Note:**

> introducing headcanons: demi tsukki and genderfluid hinata (uses any pronouns, i just use he/him)!
> 
> title comes from ["if you want to" by beabadoobee](https://youtu.be/sTQNJT7OZew)


End file.
